First, she approaches you about how from the womb her father had no love for her, like asking for a chance. Then, you go out with her. Later, when she is given a Chance to prove she could be a real woman, she runs away from you when she realizes you are serious and not looking for "fun". Then, at the first "opportunity" to talk about what she was hiding, what she wanted besides "love", she mentions "wealth" and "status", expressing the condition that one needed to "change" to have her for more than one night, only to feel "powerful", a liar that a "man" buys with those lies. You feel manipulated and get mad. She perceives that and "reasons" with her "self", "If he's feeling that way, that means I got the poor guy to like me at last. After the little test, it's showtime". She shows her face with a "smile" and cowardly stabs you, making you immediately remember some word you heard around, that she could have become "religious" out of remorse, after literally killing her father of a heartbreak.
How would that be possible if, according to her, he had no affection for her? I obviously went to the source, to investigate the word, try to understand why she thought that, because suddenly it sounded like a revelation coming straight from the Source. It took months for her to finally disclose that the word she said to me came out of the own perpetrator's mouth. It's hard to get them to speak, since they're all in her same boat and they're not real friends. Why do so many victims in the news give an account of a group of people ready to defend the criminals? Because the so called laymen are not the only ignorant ones there. Geeks also go to the seminary, but few repent and go to School. So they go through "life" with a bad imagination of God, unable to understand Fear and His severity. They can't see they're walking in the stillness of flesh and going nowhere.
There's no such thing as being separated from the wicked world after you die; they're only enjoying being a part of it, despising Sanctity and seeking a lie that gives them "hope", because after all the "pleasure" they don't want the pain. To be purged of the "desire", one must remain submersed in the Water, stay in the Quadra. Baptism is a commitment to change and bring forth good fruits, not the "magic" ritual many believe to be powerful to cleanse them before God from guilt and grant salvation. Salvation is Him, so if you don't desire the Word, how do you expect to inherit a Kingdom you don't want to enter now? People live just like that: they pretend to dive into Her for a moment and emerge still dead to keep searching for the "life" that really matters to them. That is only Mindless physical exercise, vain discipline, just like "confessing" your evil deeds daily; in a gym (or on a bed) you'll feel like you're "working" harder and having more "fun".
The "priest" does not really absolve you, he just gives you that "word" you're looking for in place of the Word to play according to the rule you've been taught. So first you share your dark secret, and then eat the bread you believe can replace the Word and save you. But when you love darkness rather than Light, the world more than the Kingdom, it's no secret you'll end up condemned if you don't really repent. I know what I'm saying because I saw her being "forgiven" for over a decade, and her objective remained the same: to find a "man" that was "better" than her father. And while she didn't find him, she kept using the many "men" he promised to give her. That is, her "conversion" was never about having Love, it was about having a "man" that had more money than her father and could give her the "life" she wanted.
Of Course, any fool thinking she'd treat him right for having "more" would not be able to escape her father's fate, because the miserable one who relies on "mercy" to keep her abundant malice in which she trusts to have "pleasure" and feel "alive" would still only have a big heartbreak to give.
